


Forrest Gump

by messagetoman



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Artist Zayn, Bullying, Denial of Feelings, Denial of Sexuality, Drug Use, Football Player Harry, Homophobia, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Secret Relationship, Sexual Confusion, Sexual Experimentation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-08
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-14 07:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/834509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messagetoman/pseuds/messagetoman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles, or as nicknamed, Forrest Gump, is the captain of the school's football team. He has certain standards he must live up to, being popular and talented requires a certain status quo he mustn't break. And that means, that under no circumstance must anyone find out about Zayn and he. </p><p>Zayn Malik doesn't have any nicknames or captains any school team, though he is an amazing artist. Unlike Harry, he has no expectations set by anyone else or feels the unnerving desire to conform. However, he feels something for Harry and because of that he'll abide by Harry's wishes to keep it all a secret.</p><p>But how long can a relationship last in the hiding before it begins to break a part?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“We’re down to the last minute of the game, the ball in the position of the home team.

It’s with Pine and he swoops past the Away team’s centre and he’s blazing down the field.

Now it’s with Jennings and the time is ticking down to the last 20 seconds.

And it’s with Styles!

Styles is speeding and zigzagging through the players and he’s close, Styles’ is so close!

He side steps the on comer and is Forrest Gump going to make it?!

He’s across!

HE’S ACROSS THE LINE!

HARRY STYLES SCORES THE WINNING TRY FOR THE TEAM!!”

The crowd erupts into a loud cheer which pales the sound of the commentator’s voice over the speaker. The screaming fans watch as their school team race towards one another on the field, all grasping in tight embraces as they celebrate their victory. In the midst of the team circle is Harry Styles, team captain, game winning point scorer, cheering like everyone else.

Zayn’s certain that he’s going to awaken the next morning without a voice but he can’t bring himself to care in the slightest because they had just won!!! And Harry, Harry had won the game for the team. He was so completely, utterly, overwhelmingly excited and proud that if he didn’t compose himself quickly enough he might in fact run onto the field and kiss Harry. But he could never do that.

So Zayn patiently watched as the team escaped to their locker room and how the crowd slowly began to disperse. This is what he did after every game, he’d wait until he came. But tonight, Zayn waited longer than usual. It wasn’t until he got the text did he realise that all his waiting had been done in vain.

_The lads want to go out… I’m sorry.xx_

He tried to ignore both the hurt and the annoyance that had developed within him. There was nothing he could do about it other than try his very best to not allow his thoughts to wonder to him out with the lads when he should be with Zayn instead. When Zayn got home, it was dark and he did the only thing he knew would keep him his distressed mind at ease; and that was to paint.

Unlike Harry, Zayn had never gotten the same amount of recognition for his accomplishments. Yes, Zayn had never won their school team any games, but Zayn had won a vast amount of awards for his artworks that were always announced to a half asleep student body at the weekly assembles. Though, Zayn didn’t mind that his efforts weren’t surrounded by hype. He created artworks for himself and what mattered to him was that the people he cared for appreciated his works.

Harry absolutely adored Zayn’s art.

He was constantly complementing him, to a state that would have Zayn blushing to a degree that was probably unhealthy, and would lead to many heated kisses being exchanged afterwards.

So that night, after disappointingly being stood up by Harry as he waited for him after the game (it was the third week in a row now), Zayn let his brush be enveloped by the bright colours that contrasted his darkened emotions.

He’d lost all of track of time and it was only at the vibrating sound of his phone that jolted Zayn out of his headspace that had been lost to the swirls and the blinding colours.

An incoming call from ‘H.’ appeared on his screen because Harry still was apprehensive. At one point Zayn had ‘H. <3’ but after a week he got rid of it, desperate not to displease Harry in anyway because it he would consider it still ‘risky’.

So Zayn pressed his thumb down onto the screen of his phone, after ensuring there was no paint on it and answered the call.

“Ello?” Zayn’s voice was particularly loud for the silent house. He quickly lifted the phone of his ear to check the time and it read 12:03 am. “Hello.” Zayn said again in a whisper.

“Zee, I’m downstairs.” Harry said in a just as hushed tone.

“What?!” Zayn’s tone shocked. Though truthfully, he should be accustomed to Harry’s sporadic actions, after all it had been a couple of years now.

“Just hurry up and open, it’s bloody freezing.”

“Yea, well you’re the idiot outside at midnight.” Zayn rolled his eyes as he complied with Harry’s wishes and quietly went to his front door to open it for Harry. And well, Harry was right because just at the slight opening of the door Zayn felt the cool breeze and a shudder ran through him. Harry entered quickly, desperate to escape the cool night winds.

“Hi.” Harry spoke in such a low tone Zayn almost didn’t hear. He was standing in front of Zayn, smile intact on his face as his green eyes locked with Zayn’s.

“Hi yourself.” Zayn smirked.

Harry lent forward and placed a soft kiss to Zayn’s lips. At the kiss, bliss washed over Zayn and his eyes fluttered shut in the pleasure of _finally_ being alone with Harry. Though, he didn’t allow himself the pleasure to continue much further. He pulled back from a crushed looking Harry. “Wait two seconds.” He whispered as he raced back to his room.

Zayn re-emerged wearing a thick jacket and holding another in his hand to where Harry, had obediently stayed in his place. “C’mon.” Was all Zayn said as he extended the jacket towards Harry and led them to the backyard. He was fully aware that Harry was over at an ungodly hour for his full time working parents and he respected that they would need silence to sleep. Not to mention his three sisters, two of which needed to get up early for school tomorrow. So the two braced the cool night breeze both knowing they didn’t have many other choices.

Harry sat down on the bench at the furthest end of the backyard and beckoned for Zayn to come to him. Zayn did so immediately and chose to settle on sitting on Harry’s lap, facing him.

“Congrats on your win Forrest.” Zayn said mockingly. In grade 10, someone had mentioned as a passing statement that Harry’s running resembled that of Forrest Gump’s. Two years down the track and the nickname was still going strong.

“Yea, I try.” Harry feigned modesty.

“My throat is so sore from all the screaming I did. Thanks a lot for that.”

“Mmmm, I’m thinking about something else that would make your throat sore.” Harry teased with a wink.

“Shut up.” Zayn despised the fact that he had practically set himself up for that innuendo. “But in all honesty, it was such a good game.”

“Why thank you.” Harry smiled from beneath him and edged forward as a signal of his desire to kiss Zayn. He didn’t have to move to far forward because Zayn had moved majority of the distance, just as desperate to kiss Harry. The kiss was soft and sweet one that, from Zayn, was filled with adoration and pride.

“Can’t believe my boyfriend is the captain of the fucking football team.” Zayn scrunched his face in a way to convey his disgust (when in all honesty, it made Harry so much more appealing to Zayn).

“And I can’t believe I let some art freak give me second rate hand jobs.” Harry shot back.

“HEY! My hand jobs are not second rate and you know it.” Zayn tries to keep his voice low.

“No I take that back. I love you, shitty hand jobs and all.”

“Yea well for some unknown reason I love you too.”

*

Zayn and Harry had been friends from a young age since they had both attended the same primary school. They weren’t best friends, but still close enough to tell each other things such as who their crush was and be over one another’s house often enough for their parents to know them well. So after seven years of friendship, the two had expected to stay relatively close when they entered high school.

And they were close… for the first year.

In grade 7, they were both in the same friendship group that had consisted of people from their primary school. Though towards the end of the year each person in that group started extending their friendship list.

In grade 8, Harry and Zayn were in the same homeroom which meant that they were in all the same classes, unlike in grade 7. So they were bound to still keep some sort of a close bond. They went over to each other’s houses and still told each other secrets and all in all, they were still fairly good friends.

Then Harry at the end of that year discovered he wanted to start working on his body, where Zayn has discovered he wanted to work with paints. And it was then that their interests started changing.

When they returned after their summer break, only having seen one another three times during that period things were very different.

Harry had obviously been working on his body, having shed a majority of his baby fat and it was now replaced with not muscles exactly, but definitely more tone and leanness.

Zayn returned to grade 9 differently as well. He had taken many art classes during the break and discovered he was very naturally gifted. Zayn had also learnt that his huge crush on one of his male art teachers, that taught the classes, meant that he wasn’t as straight as he thought he was.

Many things changed that year. Harry and Zayn had no classes together yet they occasionally spoke, they were no longer in the same immediate friendship groups and there was a clear distinction between them. Harry was now the football team’s captain and arguable the most popular guy in their grade. And Zayn was the quiet, arty guy that was also gay.

When Zayn “came out”, it wasn’t anything spectacular. Many of the student body had expected it since they had heard about Zayn and his best friend Louis doing things normal friends wouldn’t do with one another. For Zayn and Louis, it was merely an experiment to help them figure out what they liked and the both had gathered from the experience that it was boys. They liked boys.

A couple of days after Zayn officially announced his sexual preferences; Harry came up to him while Zayn was gathering his books from his locker. Zayn gave him a welcoming smile, though Harry couldn’t exactly return it, feelings of anxiousness consuming him.

“So, you-you like boys?” Harry chocked out gazing at the floor as he asked.

Zayn merely let out a laugh, not wanting Harry to be uncomfortable at the new information, “Yes, Harry when you’re gay you generally like boys.”

Harry muffled a laugh still gazing at the floor feeling very uneasy, “Yea I know that, I just wanted to ask-”

“Hey! Yo, Harry man we’re going to be late for our sports class!” Harry’s friend Liam called over to him.

“Harry, are you ok?” Zayn asked concerned having seen Harry’s unusual actions. The boy was usual full of confidence and reassurance, though in front of Zayn stood a scared and confused one.

“Yea, yea. I’m fine. I gotta go now, bye.” Harry hurriedly said before jogging over to Liam and his other friends who were waiting on him.

After that day Zayn would find Harry staring at him his eyes earning to say something but he never seemed able to. Zayn knew Harry was never one for confrontation and even though the two weren’t close friends any more he still cared for Harry and was determined to find the cause of Harry’s discomfort.

It started off small, just casually speaking by their lockers, conversations that were always initiated by Zayn. That’s as far as their school interactions went, although not long after their daily locker conversations the two were texting very often after school. Zayn was finally feeling as though Harry was close to letting him in and in hopes of not losing the opportunity, on Friday he invited Harry to come over his house. Harry enthusiastically accepted the offer as though he had been desperate to have the opportunity to be alone with Zayn but never having enough courage to initiate it himself.

So that afternoon they entered into Zayn’s family home and were quickly led to Zayn’s room. Harry had an unnerving presence and a look of uncertainty as he stood awkwardly at Zayn’s bedroom door.

“Come in you, there isn’t anything scary in here.” Zayn laughed and he could see Harry relax at the noise.

The two chatted comfortably for a while and Zayn was glad not to have the barrier of his phone and rather Harry in the flesh. In the couple of weeks that they had reconnected he had grown much attached to the curly haired boy and his presence made Zayn extremely happy about the fact that they had managed to revive their friendship despite all the divisions at school.

“Zayn?” Harry spoke as the two sat next to one another on the edge of Zayn’s bed.

“Mhhmm?” Zayn hummed.

“Was it hard to ahhhh,” Harry gulped, “to come out?”

This was the first time that Harry had openly ever asked Zayn anything about his sexuality apart from the previous statement of “you like boys”. The opportunity had risen before when Zayn would ask about previous girlfriends but Harry had always backed out of asking Zayn anything about his relationships.

“Ummm,” Zayn was still startled by the question, “Not really. It was a natural part of me so I was ok with it and everyone I had around me was very supportive so it wasn’t bad really.”

“How did it all start?” Harry asked, still not looking at Zayn as he did so.

Though Zayn couldn’t tear his eyes from Harry, “I don’t know…There was this art teacher and I don’t know he was really attractive and I just got this feeling inside me when I was around him.”

“And he was always on your mind and no matter what you did you couldn’t stop thinking about him.” Harry added.

“Yea.” Zayn said in a form of realisation because that was exactly it. Harry had described it accurately and Zayn had a huge feeling that Harry was speaking from personal experience. “Harry, is there anything you want to tell me? Or ask or something?” Zayn asked softly.

Harry looked up, the earning look in his eyes again. “How’d you know?” his tone desperate for an answer.

“I was lucky to have someone that was willing to help me through my, ah, confused stage. And well you would’ve heard about me and Louis kissing and it just made me see I enjoyed kissing guys and guys in general.”

“So you knew when you kissed a guy?” Harry’s eyes full of confusion and timidness.

“Yes.” A silence fell over the two of them and Zayn waited, waited for Harry to say something to possibly confess that like Zayn had, Harry was questioning his sexuality too. But he got nothing, just that pleading look from Harry and he knew that he would have to take the matters into his own hands because it was obvious the whole concept scared Harry senseless. “Harry, would you like some help in trying to figure what’s going on in your head?”

Zayn saw the relief that washed over Harry that he wouldn’t have to confess anything and that Zayn had figured it out. Harry simply nodded. Zayn edged closer to Harry and their bodies were now aligned.

“Maybe, maybe I could kiss you and you could see if you liked that?” Zayn phrased it into a question, his tone soft, desperate not to startle Harry because he had never been this open about his emotions since they had lost their friendship.

If Zayn wasn’t staring so closely at Harry he would’ve missed the slight bob of Harry’s head that was a nod, signalling Harry’s approval. So Zayn leant forward slowly, the distance between their faces disappearing by each passing moment. He saw Harry close his eyes right before Zayn placed their lips together. Harry’s lips were so very soft and at first unmoving. Zayn kept his eyes open to observe to see if Harry would react negatively, though slowly Harry began to kiss back ever so softly.

As the kiss progressed, Zayn brought his hand up to Harry’s face cupping it. At the touch, Zayn felt the tension leave Harry’s body and only then did Zayn allow himself to close his eyes and enjoy the fact that Harry was kissing him back.

Not long after, Zayn pulled back. It took a lot of his effort to do so but he knew that he would be taking advantage of Harry’s dishevelled emotions if he were to continue and he wanted nothing more than to gain the trust of the curly haired boy.

At the parting of their lips Harry’s tension returned as did his uncertainty. He sat their silently and Zayn could see that Harry was debating with his emotions.

“You know I care for you Harry right?” Harry only nodded, “Listen if you need any more help or have any questions about what you’re feeling I’m here for you.”

“Ok.” Harry’s voice a whisper.

“What you’re feeling isn’t anything wrong Harry, please know that.”

There was a beep from outside the house and the scared and worried Harry returned quickly. He stood up hastily, “Ah, I think I have to go now.”

“Oh…” Zayn tried to mask his disappointment.

“Walk me out?”

Zayn nodded and the two walked out of the bedroom to the front door in silence.

“Thank you.” Harry said as he stood at the front door.

“Of course.” Zayn smiled.

“I’ll text you tonight.” Harry said before he got into his parent’s car and they drove off.

Harry had stayed true to his word, he had texted Zayn a goodnight message and for the first time he signed it with ‘xx’.


	2. Chapter 2

_From: H._

_Hey, what’re you wearing tonight?? xx_

Zayn lets out a laugh at the text message. Despite the amount of times Harry has been with Zayn to one of Louis’ parties (well they’re more gatherings that happen once a month when Louis’ parents go on a weekend trip and it’s an excuse to drink up and smoke up) he always gets nervous.

_To: H._

_Just jeans and some top babe :) xx_

_From: H._

_Ok :) I’ll pick you up.xx_

-

Zayn can’t remember a time before Harry.

It’s stupid really because it had only been a couple of years that they have been together. And really, for a majority of that time they weren’t even properly _together_.

He remembers their first fight. It was five months after they had had their first kiss. In the span of those five months many, many, more kisses had been exchanged and many nights spent staying up to the early hours of the morning texting.

In those five months, at the beginning of grade 10, Zayn remembers falling. Falling hard and very fast for Harry Styles.

It’s not until the summer holidays that Zayn starts to question what it all meant. And it wasn’t even something that occurred to him on his own. If it hadn’t been for Louis’ prying and constant questioning Zayn would’ve been happy to just go along with it all if it meant just seeing Harry. But now that Louis had mentioned it Zayn thinks about it a lot.

What were they?

Because they sure as hell weren’t just friends in Zayn’s eyes, but they most certainly weren’t boyfriends because a part from those secret kisses and messages at night, they had no other means of communication.

He was too young for this all. He was still too fragile to be someone’s gay experiment. He wasn’t at all ready to be that for anyone, because like Harry, Zayn was just as inexperienced.

Right Zayn knew he was gay, but that’s as far as his knowledge went. And true to his word, Zayn was more than willing to help Harry figure out his sexual orientation but five months is a long time of figuring out and it’s starting to mean a lot more to Zayn then he had initially planned.

The confusion starts to develop rapidly within Zayn, especially when he’s with Harry. Harry will text him that his dad is out and he’s home alone and Zayn, despite his best efforts will go to his house. Because even though it’s all very confusing and Harry makes Zayn want to scream and cry, he can’t get enough of it. Can’t get enough of those sparkling green eyes that glisten as he smiles. Or the softness of his lips that are still so tentative and occasionally very scared. But mostly he can’t get enough of Harry as a whole. As the football player, as the one with the dorky jokes or the one that always greet his mum “Mrs. Malik” no many how many times she tells him to call her Tricia.

He can’t get enough.

So that’s why he goes and sees him that day. But on the way he promises to not kiss Harry until they’ve spoken and he’s gotten everything off of his chest.

And he means to keep that promise. He really, truly, does.

But…you see Harry had practically pulled Zayn in once he’d opened the front door and attached their lips together. So really, he couldn’t exactly escape it. He was going to stop after that though.

But then Harry kept kissing him, he still hadn’t parted their lips and Zayn was all too familiarly getting lost in the moment. So they kept kissing, until they’d reached Harry’s bedroom and were sprawled on Harry’s bed.

Even then Zayn couldn’t stop because those stupid noises Harry was making were driving him _insane_. The moans that signalled Harry wanted this just as much as Zayn did only fuelled Zayn to keep kissing and kissing and kissing.

He’s straddling Harry still pressing their lips together a little more forcefully now. And Zayn wants to kiss him forever. He wants nothing more than to be able to kiss Harry whenever he likes and however many times he likes. Wants nothing more than to just keep kissing him.

But he knows that it isn’t possible and that previous confusion and hurt and sheer emotion comes crashing down on Zayn and he abruptly stops kissing Harry and sits up, much to Harry’s dismay.

“Why’d you stop?” Harry asked.

Zayn can’t look at him. Can’t bring himself to look at Harry so desperate to be touched, to be kissed and knowing that it can only happen in private. He can’t stand it. He swings his leg over Harry’s body so he’s no longer straddling him and sits on the bed, back facing Harry.

“Hey,” his voice so soft and full of concern that it makes Zayn want to cry, “What’s wrong?”

But why the fuck does he care right? He won’t give Zayn the time of day any other time except when he’s feeling horny. But then he’ll do that. He’ll do that thing where he’s so fucking nice and just good to his core that makes Zayn think maybe he’s more than just a snogging partner. That maybe Harry reciprocates some of the feelings Zayn has.

“Zayn, what’s wrong?” Harry asks from besides Zayn now. “Look at me.” Harry hands brush softly along Zayn’s jaw trying to turn his head to face him.

“Don’t.” Zayn says harshly as he turns his head in the opposite direction away from Harry. “Just don’t.” Because Zayn can’t stand the soft, caring touches, can’t stand it.

He hates all the mixed signals and he thinks again he’s _too young_. Too young for this all.

“What’d I do?” And Harry’s genuinely concerned because he never meant to hurt Zayn.

“Nothing. You did nothing.” It’s like some sort of epiphany as Zayn says it vocally because he realises that that’s exactly it. Harry never did anything to Zayn and that was the issue. All he did was take. He never gave anything back in return and stupid Zayn was always so willing to give, give, give.

“Then what’s wrong, why’re you upset?”

“Forget it, I want to go home.” Zayn says quietly.

“No! You can’t leave.” Harry exclaims, his tone panicked.

“Why the hell not? You can’t tell me what to do; I’m not your boyfriend.” Zayn shouts as he stands up moving away from the bed. His voice is loud and it echoes through the empty house.

Harry flinches at the sudden outburst, still completely confused but stands up too and goes to Zayn’s side.

“Harry what is this?” Zayn says, voice low now in defeat. “What am I to you?”

Harry chocks on his words, not sure on what to say to Zayn. “You’re my friend.” He finally manages.

Though clearly this isn’t what Zayn wanted to hear, because the look of anger has returned. “Friend?! I’m your friend?” Zayn’s really angry he wants more than that, but clearly Harry doesn’t.

He pushes Harry backwards until he has him pinned against the wall. Zayn’s not sure where this strength came from because Harry is bigger than him but he’s just so pliant and idle in Zayn’s hands and it enrages Zayn further. He wants Harry to stand up for himself, to not be so easily controlled by everyone and everything around him. “Is that all this is Harry? Do you _kiss_ all your _friends_?” Harry doesn’t respond just looks away from Zayn. “Stop it! Stop being so weak Harry!”

“What the fuck do you want me to say Zayn?” Harry pushes him back now. _Finally_ , Zayn thinks, finally some real emotion.

“What you really feel! Because I’m not your fucking friend and you know that. Be real Harry just be fucking real!”

“I can’t!” Harry’s voice breaks and Zayn can see his bottom lip trembling.

He feels horrid, absolutely horrid but Zayn can’t deal with his emotions being dragged through the mud much longer. “Well when you learn to be and you see me more than just a friend, come and see me.” Zayn says as he rushes out of the room and down the stairs.

“Zayn!” Harry calls after him, tears escaping his eyes. “Please don’t. Don’t, don’t do this please.” He begs.

As much as Zayn’s hurting he can’t leave him now. Every inch of his being aches at the sound of Harry so distraught and he realises then and there that he never wants to hear that sound of Harry so broken.

“I’m sorry.” Harry whispers, not daring to speak louder at the risk of more tears escaping. “It’s just hard is all.”

“Do you think this is easy for me? Harry I get it, you’re scared and that’s fine. But there’s only so much I can give before I expect something back in return.”

“I’ll do it, whatever you want. Just please don’t leave me.” His tone full of desperation.

“This can’t just be something _I_ want Harry. Tell me now, what do I mean to you?”

“A lot. You mean a lot Zayn and I know I don’t show it but just think about it. I wouldn’t have gone to anyone to just do this. It’s not just fooling around, I trust you a lot and that’s for a reason. Because I really like you and it’s scary because I have no clue what to do with all these feelings and I’m scared I’m going to mess things up and then I’ll lose you. And I don’t want to because you’re the first person I can be me around and I don’t want to lose that.”

It shocks Zayn on how insecure Harry is. The most popular boy in his grade can’t even be himself in front of anyone besides Zayn, he feels privileged and appreciative at that thought that he gets to see the real Harry. The thought makes his heart ache, “You won’t mess things up. I really, really like you Harry I just needed to know that I’m not some sort of game to you.”

“You’re not, I really like you to.”

And if Zayn’s heart is hammering and he finds it difficult to swallow it’s totally normal right?

“Like, really, really like you.” Harry steps forward and kisses Zayn with such timidness for a brief moment and then parts their lips but still keeps their heads incredibly close.

Zayn takes the opportunity to caress Harry’s check and then swipes his thumb across Harry’s top lip where there’s a tear. They stay still like that for a while, just the two of them very still, with the sound of one another’s deeps breaths enveloping them. It’s all very simple and just a basic thing, yet it’s still very intimate.

Zayn soon breaks the silence, “Where does this leave us then? Because I can’t just be your “friend” I want more than that.” Zayn says when really he wants to say he _needs_ more than that.

“Well,” Harry’s voice shakes, and Zayn can see Harry’s cheeks turn a light shade of pink and he bits on his lip nervously, “well, if it’s ok with you, I’d-I’d like for you to be my boyfriend.” He says and his eyes are darting, landing on anything besides Zayn and the slight pink blush has developed into a deep red and Harry’s just so _nervous_ and Zayn cannot wrap his head around this boy. This boy that’s so confident at school, with so many friends and an ability to charm his way out of any situation is nervous because he just asked Zayn out.

And then Zayn realises he’s been contemplating the situation for far too long and he’s just staring at Harry. Because this boy, with all his complexities wants to be with Zayn. He wants to be with Zayn. “Yes.” Zayn manages finally and Harry musters enough courage to look at him now and he’s positively beaming as though he expected Zayn to say no or something. “Yes, yes, yes.” The grin Zayn has on his face could out shine the Cheshire Cat because Harry’s his _boyfriend_.

-

“Zaaayyynnn!” Doniya calls up to him, “Harry’s here!”

Zayn grabs his jacket and heads downstairs to where Harry’s waiting for him. He finds him in the living room tickling Safaa to a degree that has his younger sister practically crying from laughter.

“Hey.” Zayn smiles at him with sheer adoration at seeing Harry with his sister.

Harry looks up, grin on his face from laughing along with Safaa. “Hey you.” He says before he bends his head and shakes his hair out before swiping his curls out of his eyes and Zayn absolutely loves when he does that.

“You ready?”

“Do you have to go?” Safaa whines out.

“Yes we do,” Harry replies with a cheeky tone as he crouches down close to her and stretches his arms signalling he’s about to start tickling her again, “Otherwise Louis will bite our heads off.” The sounds of Safaa’s laugh echoes through the house as Harry starts tickling her again.

Zayn stands back and watches the exchange and he’s so glad that Harry can interact with his family like this, because it sure as hell was never this easy before.

-

“I’ll get it!” Zayn called out as he raced towards the door where he knew Harry was waiting for him. They’ve officially been boyfriends for just over a month, not that Zayn’s counting or anything. He unlocks the door and smiles widely at Harry before grabbing his hand to quickly led him to the privacy of his bedroom.

“Who is it?” His mum calls out from the kitchen and Harry immediately lets Zayn’s hand drop away from his. She’s decided to take one of her rare, very rare, days off to get things ready because Zayn’s older sister is coming back from University.

“It’s Harry.”

“Hey Mrs. Malik.” And Zayn falls for him a little more, even though he didn’t think it was possible.

“Harry love!” His mother grins when she walks out, tea towel in her hand. “Back so soon?” She laughs.

Zayn can see Harry blushing in the corner of his eyes. He’d been coming over _a lot_ within this last month and they both stupidly thought that they were being discreet.  Obviously not.

“only joking dear, I’m so glad you boys have become such good friends again.” She says while looking at Zayn, giving him a knowing smile. And really, Zayn and Harry needed to re-evaluate their “discreet” strategy because it was failing horribly.

“We’re just going to be upstairs ok?” They don’t wait for her to reply, quickly ascending the stairs two at a time.

“Call out if you need me, but I might be going…” Zayn can’t hear what his mum’s saying anymore because they’re both in his room now with the door shut.

“You know she hates when you call her Mrs. Malik.” Zayn laughs.

“What else am I supposed to call her Zee?” Harry responds.

“Tricia.” Zayn laughs more, “She’s told you that.”

“But I _can’t._ ”

“Oh god you’re hopeless.” Zayn teases.

“So you’re saying you have no problem with calling my dad by his first name?” Harry retorts, trying to justify his irrationality.

“Well if I come over more often and actually saw him, then yes I’d absolutely call him by his first name.”

Harry inwardly groans as he lets himself fall on his back onto Zayn’s bed.

“Oh that reminds me, we should probably consider spending some time at your house…I think we underestimated my mum. What’s that saying “mother knows all?” knows best? I don’t know, whatever.”

“What!?” Harry says, tone panicked as he hastily sits up. “She knows?”

“Woah, babe chill. I don’t know if she actually fully knows, she just keeps giving me these looks is all.”

Harry realises his actions weren’t appropriate as the solemn look covers his face, “Sorry. It was bound to happen though, I practically live here more than I do my own home.”

“Don’t freak out on me right now ok?” Zayn says calmly as he softly caresses Harry’s cheek.

Harry bites his lip and shacks his head softly as an indication that _‘no I won’t. I’m ok.’_

“Good.” Zayn whispers before he places a kiss to Harry’s lips. They stay in that upright position for a little while, kissing softly and carefully before they both get impatient at the pace and Zayn begins to push Harry back so he can lay on his back once more.

“You ready for the game this week _captain._ ” Zayn practically purrs as he straddles Harry and gently kissing along Harry’s neck. He feels Harry shiver beneath him and lets out a weak “mhmm.”

“M’excited. Get to see my boy running round on the field, tight jersey and pants.” Zayn says slowly, his lips moving slowly along Harry’s collarbones now as he ruts his hips against Harry’s causing him to arch his back in pleasure. “You’ll be sweaty and panting.” Zayn continues, loving seeing Harry so out of it. The house is empty besides his mother downstairs and she’s cooking dinner, so he knows they won’t be interrupted.

“Za-yn.” Harry chocks out, “Zayn.” He tries again.

“Yea babe?” though Zayn knows what Harry wants, but Zayn loves seeing him like this. Unravelling beneath him to expose the Harry that _no one else_ gets to see.

Harry has his hands grasped on Zayn’s shirt as he tries to pull him up and to attend to his lips. “Kiss me.” He stops tugging at Zayn’s shirt and with a breathless voice he says “Please.”

Zayn’s moving as fast as he possibly can because that one word triggers something in Zayn every.single.time.  He attaches his lips to Harry’s and the kiss needily, Harry bitting on Zayn’s bottom lip and he can feel the curly haired boy smirking beneath him at getting what he wanted. Because if Harry’s gone for Zayn, then Zayn is at a whole other level for Harry.

“Mine.” Harry says, biting on Zayn’s lip again as he manages to flip them around so he’s on top and Zayn absolutely loves the feeling of Harry’s larger body on him. His hands are by Zayn’s head as he holds himself up and stares down at Zayn, eyes filled with lust as his eyes study the boy beneath him. “Mine.” He repeats for good measure before he starts kissing Zayn again. The kiss is needy and hot and both boys try desperately to keep the noise they emit to a bare minimum but the moans escaping from the both of them are something they cannot suppress.

A while passes and they’re both so lost in one another that they’re unaware of what’s happening around them until it’s too late.

“Oh shit.” They suddenly hear as Zayn’s bedroom door opens causing Harry to literally fling himself off of Zayn in sheer panic to find Zayn’s sister at the door, which she closes rapidly.

Zayn turns to Harry and the boy is petrified at the fact that he had been caught. Zayn says nothing for a while as he sits there and allows himself to calm down and set his mind straight. He’s fully aware that Harry’s freaking out and he can’t have that, he can’t have Harry leaving right now.

“Stay here.” Zayn says quietly as he cups Harry’s face in his hand trying to comfort his shaking boyfriend. “I’ll be right back.” He says before he runs out of his room to the downstairs living area where he finds his sister sitting on the couch.

“Hey.” Zayn says casually because unlike Harry, he’s not fazed by this situation.

“Hey you. Mum went out a while ago to get something from the shop and she told me that you’d be home.”

“Welcome back Don.” Zayn smiles as he hugs her quickly.

“Thanks babe, good to be back.” They stay quiet for a while, neither of them sure on how to mention what just happened.

“Ever heard of knocking?” Zayn laughs.

“I did! You didn’t hear me over that moaning I guess.” She laughs as the blush on Zayn’s cheeks rises. “Who was that anyway?”

“Harry.” Zayn says simply.

“He your boyfriend or something?” and to anyone else, it would seem that Doniya was uninterested (well maybe she was a little bit, considering she was in university now and Zayn guesses she doesn’t care for petty high school dramas) but Zayn knows that their relationship is a very laid back one.

“Yea.” Zayn smiles, because yes Harry _is_ his boyfriend.

“Awwww, little Zaynie got himself a boyfriend.” She teases.

“Shut it.” Zayn chuckles. “You’re not gonna say anything are you?”

“Course not. You said his name was Harry right?”

“Yea.”

“Harry, as in that one you used to be friends with in primary?”

“Yea.” Zayn repeats. “Why?”

“What about that.” She muses over the situation. “He’s a football player or something. I can’t remember I’ve been gone for a year but that sounds right, am I right?”

“Yes you’re right.”

“Never thought our school’s footy team would ever have an openly gay player. Kudos.”

“He hasn’t come out.” Zayn informs her.

She gives him a worried glance that last all but two seconds, “Be careful yea?”

And Zayn loves her so very much, because she knows him well enough to not press the issue, “Course.”

“Now go. Go on, go attend to that boyfriend of yours and rest assured my lips are sealed.” She smiles sweetly.

“Thanks Don.” Zayn says as he hugs her again and rushes back upstairs.

He opens his door and he sees Harry jump.

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m not freaking out I swear I’m just scared a little and I’m being stupid but don’t get upset please I’m sorry.” Harry quickly blurts out.

“Don’t worry, we’re fine. She’s fine, you’re fine everything is just fine. So please just relax and breathe ok babe?”

“Yea, I can do that.” Harry nods and takes in a deep breath. “I’m just glad it was your sister not your mum.” Harry laughs at an attempt to ease the tension. The mood does lighten and Zayn’s glad he’s not taking it so badly.

“You sure you ok?”

“Positive.” Harry smiles.

-

“What do you mean Wolverine is shit? Being him would be amazing!” Harry argues as they make he parks his car in front of Louis’ house.

“He’s not shit per say, but being him would be shit.” Zayn defends his argument.

“Ummmm, last time I check super healing powers was a positive.” Harry states as he slings his arm around Zayn’s shoulders and pulls him close into his side.

They walk up to Louis’ door and knock, “But, that means your immortal. Imagine being alive for ever with all this shit.”

Before Harry can respond to Zayn though, the door is opened for them by Niall, Louis’ boyfriend who’s a year older than them and in his first year at university.

“Look who finally decided to show up!” He beams at them. “Everyone’s here!”

“Blame Harry, he was having a wardrobe crisis.” Zayn laughs as he pulls Harry in behind him. Niall was right, _everyone_ was here and they all turn to look at the new comers.

Originally this would cause Harry to have a right fit, but it’s been almost two years and everyone here are Zayn’s friends and Harry has finally accepted the fact that they all know. He’s also grateful that they simply don’t give a flying fuck that he’s gay and he’s fully aware that they would never say anything about their relationship to anyone. So he waves hi and kisses a few people hello.

“Zee! Haz!” Louis shouts, “Com’ere.” He slurs.

They walk over to their friend, their hands held and settle down on the couch next to a drunken and high Louis.

“Your turn!” Louis’ still shouting as he shoves the joint towards Zayn’s direction, who willingly accepts it and takes a long drag.

Harry, as always, is anxious about the idea of using drugs, even if it’s just pot and Zayn realises that no matter how many times Harry’s come to one of these gatherings he’s always nervous.

“Do you want a blowback?” Zayn suggest as he inhales more. Harry just shrugs. “Do you want a blowback?” Zayn repeats and this time Harry puts aside his nerves and nods, causing Zayn to grin. He inhales the smoke again, though keeps it in his mouth and beckons Harry closer. The green eyed boy edges forward until he’s close to Zayn and opens his mouth wide enough for Zayn to blow the smoke to him. Harry sucks it in and then blows it back into Zayn’s face.

“Love you.” Zayn smiles.

“Love you too.” Harry smiles back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay i finally updated! three cheers for me :P
> 
> and i didn't proof read this because it's long and i couldn't be bother hahah, so sorry for the mistakes!!

It's not like Zayn and Harry didn't interact at all outside the privacy of their homes. They were in the same grade after all. And yes, all though there was a separation between them, there school wasn't entirely fixated on cliques. 

So it's not a huge surprise when Liam Payne, (the football team's winger, and Harry Styles' best friend) creates an event on Facebook for a party to follow Friday night’s game, and invites the whole grade. It was titled "if we win we celebrate, if we lose we get pumped for next week". 

So there Zayn is, in Liam's house squeezed in with the 130 members of his grade and all the additional people that came. Zayn sees Harry before Harry sees him and the curly haired boy is beaming as he stands outside in cool nights wind. They had in fact won the game and Zayn's glad of that because seeing Harry so positively happy warms Zayn's heart. 

"You look like a weirdo; I can practically see your pupils turning into love hearts. Quit starring." Louis teases. 

Zayn just rolls his eyes and shoves his best friend playfully, "shouldn't you be gettin' smashed or something? I didn't volunteer to be designated driver for no reason." 

"If you wanted to get rid of me, all you had to do was ask!" Louis retorts. 

Zayn only chuckles as his best friend walks off in chase of alcohol. It's another 10 minutes before Zayn gets another glance of Louis. He's chatting excitedly to a tall guy in their grade, John, a drink in either hand, which Louis takes alternating sips from. Zayn decides to leave him, he's in capable hands for now and Louis' not near drunk enough for Zayn to be worried. That usually takes _at least_ 6 drinks and the night is still early. 

So he wanders outside, saying hi and smiling to a few people he’s close to as he passes them by. Once he's in Liam's backyard, he pulls out his packet of cigarettes and lights one up. He's comfortably leaning his back against the wall as he smokes when a stranger comes up to him. Zayn has no clue who this guy is, he isn't someone from their grade, maybe a grade below? But the more likely scenario is that he is someone's plus one. 

"Can I bum one of you?" The guys says, indicating to the cigarette in Zayn's lips. 

Zayn only shrugs, meaning a _'yea, sure whatever',_ as he tips the packet forward and the guy takes the smoke. He leans in close so Zayn can light it up for him. The lighter cuts off straightaway though and Zayn's not that surprised, they are standing outside and it's slightly windy. So he moves in even closer and cups his hand around the cigarette that's now in the guy’s mouth to shield in from the wind. 

Zayn sees Harry in the corner of his eye and he moves away hastily from this stranger because Harry's starting at him and Zayn can tell he's not impressed. He's learnt over the past years that Harry easily becomes jealous. He's standing with a couple of his mates, a _Vodka Cruiser_ in hand eyes still looking in Zayn's direction. 

"Thanks." The guy says as he sucks in the drag of smoke almost desperately. Zayn tears his gaze away from Harry to this guy besides him and sees his eyes close immediately with relief at the inhale of nicotine. He leans his back on the wall; much like Zayn has and smokes. 

"No worries." Zayn mumbles. He can feel Harry's eyes on him and it's making him uncomfortable. 

"You one'a Liam's mates?" The guy asks after he bellows out a drag of smoke. 

"Yea, from his school." Is Zayn's reply. 

"You know Nathan then." The guy smiles. Zayn does know Nathan, he's also in his grade, "he's my mate ya'see and he told me about this party, so I came." 

"Bet you're regretting it now aye?" Zayn finds himself saying. 

"And whys that?" The guy questions. 

"'Cause your mate’s gone off somewhere and you’re standing outside in the cold with a stranger." Zayn smirks. 

"You're not that bad." The guy smiles and gives him a friendly nudge with his shoulder causing Zayn to smile. "After all, you gave me this." waving the cigarette around. "I'm Luke." He says as he extends his free hand for a hand shake. 

"Zayn." Zayn replies as he takes his hand to shake. Zayn casually flicks his eyes in the direction of where Harry is and he notices how hard his boyfriend is trying to pay attention to the conversation his mates are having and not look at Zayn. 

"Now, we're not strangers." Luke says. 

"No, guess we're not." Zayn sucks his cigarette, which is nearly finished and he's contemplating lighting another one. He has nothing better to do anyway. 

"You know that guy?" Luke asks, indicating in Harry's direction with a nod of his head. Zayn doesn't answer when he realises Luke's asking about Harry, who adverts his eyes away when Luke catches him starring. "He's been starting daggers at me this whole time." 

"Just a footy player from my school." Zayn plays it off casually. He's aware of Harry's jealousy, but come _on,_ he's not doing anything incorrect at all. He's simply standing there smoking with some random guy and if Zayn's being honest with himself, he's starting to get really annoyed. 

"Should've guessed he was a jock." Luke says with certain venom. Zayn's confused with his tone because he had Luke pinned as a rugby player or something. He was tall with a very solid build. Zayn observes him a little more properly now, he has sandy brown hair spiked up slightly with what looks like blonde highlights (Zayn's reminded of the time he tried to convince Harry to let him give Harry blonde highlight, which he out rightly refused), light brown eyes and also a lazy smile, made all the more enticing with his pearly white teeth. 

"Ignore him." Zayn says as he stumps out his cigarette with a little too much force than necessary.

"You ok there sporto?!" Luke calls out aggressively when Harry looks in their direction again. Harry's eyes narrow further in anger and annoyance and the group he's standing with roll their eyes at Zayn and Luke. "Right tosser he is." Luke says as he turns to Zayn. "Thanks for the smoke, Zayn." He smiles at him before he walks off. 

Zayn pulls out another smoke, his annoyance building. He's never given Harry any reason not to trust him and he hates the fact that he can't even _stand_ with another guy without having to worry about Harry. He finishes his smoke in record time, harshly sucking in each breath before he even finishes blowing out the previous one and then stumbles inside. 

He grabs the first drink he sees and takes a big gulp. It's not the smartest idea Zayn's had, he can tell it's scotch and it burns on the way down. Whoever this cup was for had obviously poured three quarters of it as scotch and the remaining quarter of coke when it should be the other way around for it to be enjoyable. Though Zayn can't complain, it's the drink he has. He's almost finished the cup when he feels a hand snake around his upper arm. He turns to face the person and sees that it's Harry. Zayn almost smiles at him, but then remembers he's annoyed with his boyfriend. 

"I don't like your friend." Harry says to him. Zayn rolls his eyes and finishes the last of the drink. 

"Well good thing he's _my_ friend not yours then." Zayn says back. 

"Don't be this way Zayn." Harry says more calmly. His hand is still around Zayn's arm even though there are plenty of people around them. Though, Zayn supposes that's why Harry's so comfortable with touching him, is that with so many people around no one will notice. 

"No, you don't be this way _Harry_." Zayn sneers as he yanks his hand free from Harry's grasp and storms off without looking back. 

Zayn's not happy and he's not sure if he's being reasonable or not but he doesn't really care right now. He just wants to forget about Harry for the night. 

He finds himself another drink, and another and another after those, that he drinks all alone, occasionally striking up conversations with some of his friends before aimlessly wondering off in search of something else to drink. He gets positively smashed before he starts looking for Louis to tell him that they need to find another way home because Zayn can't drive. _Oops,_ he giggles to himself. 

Zayn doesn't find Louis, though he sees Harry again, this time standing with Liam. So he fumbles over to them, taking drunken step after drunken step until he's at their side. Harry's eyebrows shoot up at him questioningly as though to say ‘ _what the fuck happened Zee?’_  

Though Zayn doesn't look at him long enough to decipher the meaning between Harry's eyebrow raises. He turns to Liam and friendly claps him on the back, "congratulations!!!" Zayn cheers and Liam smiles widely at him, "on winning!!!!" Zayn continues. 

"Thanks!" Liam says just as loudly. 

"On winning your game!!!!" Zayn adds as though he has to clarify to Liam what he means. Liam lets out a hearty laugh, properly amused at Zayn's drunken antics. Though, Harry's not impressed, if the crease between his eyebrows is anything to go by. Zayn scrunches up his face annoyingly and shakes his head; he doesn't want to keep looking at Harry's eyebrows. So he averts his eyes lower and they land on Harry's arms, fully exposed in the black tee he's wearing with the sleeves rolled up. He can see a dark bruise on Harry left arm, near his shoulder. Zayn subconsciously rubs his own left shoulder because it looks _painful_. 

"You're hurt?" Zayn finally says to Harry and he hates the way his voice breaks in utter heartfelt concern. He looks up at Harry, Zayn's worry clear on his face. 

"It's alright mate. All part of the game." Harry plays it off and Zayn remembers he's at Liam's party, and Liam's right there. So he slinks his arm back to his side because he was about to extend it out and rub it comfortingly against Harry's skin. 

"Gonna smoke now." Zayn states to them and he can see the odd look on Liam's face directed at him. And before Zayn can make a fool of himself any further he scurries to the front of Liam's house to smoke again.

He's upset with himself now. He's been rash and really stupid he realises. Why did he have to go and get drunk? Who's going to take Louis home? How's he going to get home? And he was awful to Harry and Harry's hurt. He has a big, angry bruise and everything. 

*

He remembers the time when Harry shows up at his house, during the summer break, unannounced nearing 10 o'clock. 

Zayn's mum is the one who gets up from the living room, where she and her husband are winding down after work, to answer the door. "Harry?" Zayn hears his mother say from the kitchen where he's making himself a late snack. There's a slight twist in her tone that Zayn can pinpoint as worry. And it becomes more evident when she closes the door and says, "What happened love?" 

Zayn emerges from the kitchen and sees his mum and his boyfriend standing near the front door. Harry's hand is rubbing the back of his neck in a way Zayn knows mean that he's nervous. 

His mum grabs Harry's chin and tilts it up, allowing more of the light to expose his face. And Zayn sees it, sees the dark bruise on Harry's eye and he draws in a sharp breath. "Aw, it's nothing Mrs M." Harry's tone light, but Zayn's aware that it isn't genuine. "Got it from footy practice." 

"Oh," Tricia drops her hand away from his face, "I'll get you some ice." And she leads him to the kitchen where Zayn's still standing, too startled and confused by the situation to have moved. 

"Hey." He says softly when Harry comes into the kitchen. 

"Hey." Harry replies and then bends his head to the floor, effectively avoiding Zayn's questioning gaze. 

"Here love." His mother places the ice pack in Harry's hand. 

"Thank you." Harry says gratuitously. 

"We're going to go outside." Zayn informs her and he sees his mother's worried stare, and he's fully aware that she doesn't believe what Harry's said. Harry lets out a sigh of relief and Zayn's knows him well enough to know that he's grateful to escape his mother's prying. 

Zayn doesn't say anything when they reach the bench at the back of Zayn's yard. He sits Harry down on the wooden seat and bends forward in front of the boy, taking the seemingly forgotten ice pack from Harry's hands. Harry winces in pain when Zayn places the ice pack to Harry's cheek and eye, causing Zayn to retreat his hand quickly. 

"Sorry." Zayn sheepishly says as he presses the pack more light this time to Harry's bruised skin. 

They're quiet for a little while longer, all the while Harry doesn't dare look at Zayn and Zayn can't stop his racing mind. Harry could have easily obtained a bruise from football as he does play for a team outside of school, but not a bruise like this. No, this looks like a punch, like the formation of a black eye, not some rough housing in footy. 

A couple of minutes pass and Zayn's hand is socked from the ice pack perspiring in his warm hand. He pulls it away and the left side of Harry's face is also damp. He leaves his boyfriends side to get some tissues from inside. When he returns, he softly presses them to Harry's face not wanting to hurt him. 

Zayn bends forward again when he's back next to Harry and his lower back is a little sore from being in this position for so long. He brushes the fallen curls away from Harry's face, leaving his forehead fully exposed, and providing Zayn perfect access to place a kiss there. He gives Harry a long kiss to his forehead and then pulls back, straightening his back which is aching now. 

Harry's staring at him and Zayn can't read his emotions, which is odd for him but he blames it on the darkness of the night that's enveloping them. Harry pats the area of the bench next to him and Zayn obliges and sits down. 

"Andrew came home today." Harry says, looking down as he plays with the hem of his shirt, his voice so low in the silence of the night. 

Zayn's confused by this, he's unsure what Harry's older brother coming home from university has anything to do with this, but he stays quiet and waits for Harry to continue. 

"My dad was proper excited." Harry scoffs. "You should'a seen him, got Mary", the house maid that has worked in the Styles' residence ever since Harry's mum ran off 6 years ago, "to make us a roast." 

There's another pause and Zayn takes hold of both of Harry's hands in his, he can see his boyfriend becoming worked up. 

"So we're sitting there on the table eating. Not really talking or anything and the news comes on with a story on the march that happened in the city today. Y'know, the one on equal marriage rights?" Zayn nods, an indication of _'yes, I know.'_ "Yea, so it's on the news and my dad sorta scoffs in disgust and goes, _'will you look at that. It's bloody disgusting'_." Harry says in a deep voice mimicking his father. 

Zayn's heart drops at the words as he's reminded of Harry's father’s cruelty. 

"Then Andrew starts complaining about all the fags at his campus and all the faggy shit they do." Zayn feels Harry's hands clench into fists as Zayn continues to hold them. He sees those beautiful green eyes shine with a layer of tears that he knows Harry won't let shed. "And I'm sitting there, through this whole conversation hearing them say shit and more fucking shit and I shouldn't have said anything but I was hurting so much. I was so hurt Zee." His voice breaks and Zayn thinks that maybe Harry may in fact start crying, but he takes a second to regain himself. All the while Zayn's heart is hammering in his chest, his mouth has gone dry and it's starting to hurt to swallow. 

"So, stupidly I say something like nothing wrong with them protesting for their rights or something and they both turn to me and Andrew looks so pissed. He's the type whose face gets contorted in anger, like red cheeks and big eyes and everything. But my dad's sitting there with that look of disappointment, the one that's ten times worse than when they yell at you. Then Andrew's like _'what'd you say'_ acting all macho and I'm so stupid I should've kept my mouth shut but I fucking hate him so I was sticking up for us and saying things like "they're normal" and all that. Then he gets out of his chair so quickly it falls to the floor and before I can even react he's punched me in the face and he goes _‘there's nothing normal about those fucking faggots.’_ And all the while my dad's just sitting there. Didn't say a fucking word the whole time, didn't even look concerned when that prick fucking punched me." 

Zayn gasps and he draws his hand to cover his mouth in utter shock. Zayn can't even think of anything to say and his hand that's over his mouth is shaking slightly from how hard he's trying not to cry. But he won't let himself cry, not when Harry's looking at him with those eyes, that look of pain and just _damage_. 

He's reminded again of why Harry's so fucking scared of being gay. So scared of people finding out about them and he swallows the huge lump in his throat. Zayn sprawls his hand across of Harry's unmarked cheek and the boy nuzzles into it, clearly needing the touch of warmth and affection. 

"I hate them both so much Zayn. I _hate_ them." That's when Harry starts crying. And not just a few tears, rather, sobs. It sounds so broken and defeated and Zayn's so fucking upset and angry at those two men that could make someone so amazing, become so distraught. He feels his face heat up and he's holding in his own tears as Harry continues to cry into his hands that now cup his face. Zayn wraps his arms around the boy, cradling him and placing kiss after kiss onto Harry's hair. 

"Don't you ever listen to a word they say." Zayn starts and his voice keeps shaking, about to break into tears himself. "You are so wonderful and utterly beautiful; don't let anyone ever fucking convince you otherwise." A few tears escape Zayn's eyes. "Listen to me Harry. You're my everything. You bring me so much happiness and I love you so much. I hate seeing you like this because no one in the world deserves to feel the way you feel, especially not you. Especially not someone so caring, and amazing and brilliant and smart and talented." Zayn doesn't ease his hold on Harry just presses the boy closer into his chest as his cries becomes more muffled. 

"I love you. Never forget that. And never forget there's nothing wrong with you. Not one little thing. Nothing." Zayn presses more kisses to the top of Harry's head. He keeps swaying the weeping boy, saying comforting phrases until Harry's calmed down. He keeps hiccupping as he tries to ease his crying and steady his breath. Harry's eyes are swollen, his face all blotchy and the bruise looks more drastic then it did before. His expression is so worn and Zayn can see the sheer exhaustion on his boyfriend's face.

"Let's go to sleep my beautiful boy." Harry only nods as he takes Zayn's hand and the two hurry upstairs to Zayn's room. 

With the door shut and the lights off Zayn leads Harry to his bed and sits him down. He crouches to the floor and unties Harry's _Vans._ He presses a kiss to Harry's right knee that's exposed in his shorts as Harry keeps sniffling. 

They settle into bed, facing one another and Harry's breathing is almost back to a degree that's considered normal. 

"Thank you." Harry whispers. "Thank you." He repeats again. 

And Zayn wants to say, ‘ _No, thank you. Thank you for not giving up on me, for not giving up on yourself and what you truly are and being so strong when you're given so many reasons not to be._ ’ But all he manages is an, "I love you." 

"Me too." Comes Harry's reply a moment later before he drifts off to sleep. 

*

He feels his phone buzzing against his thigh before he hears the Marimba ringtone in the dead of the night. Zayn fishes out his phone and allows his eyes a few seconds to focus so he can read the Caller ID. It reads H. and Zayn knows he's in trouble before he even answers. 

It's been a couple of minutes since he walked out of the party after talking to Harry and Liam and he's wondering down Liam's street towards his car. Zayn's about half way down the street when Harry calls him. 

"Hello." He says and he's surprised by how slurred his voice is. When he hears himself he lets out a giggle because oh wow is he drunk. He stands still in the middle of the street and he's still able to function his common sense enough to move himself to the side walk. 

"Where are you?" Harry asks and he's angry. 

"On the side walk." Zayn says innocently while smiling, though he stops grinning when he realises Harry can't see him. 

"Zee, I need more than that." He's getting flustered but Zayn can tell that Harry's trying to be patient. 

"On Liam's street -umph" Zayn lets out the noise as he stumbles over his own two feet and then starts laughing, "Haz, Haz I almost feel." He laughs louder. 

"Ok babe, you need to sit down. You're drunk and roaming the streets in the dark." The music from the party starts getting quieter as Zayn assumes Harry leaves in search of him. 

"But the floor is fil- _thy_." Zayn protests. 

"Zayn, stay where you are." Harry snaps and ok, his patience has run out. "I'm going to stay on the phone ok," he tries to calm his voice; "I just don't want you getting hurt. Why'd you leave the party you idiot?"

"Dunno Haz." Zayn shrugs. He doesn't sit on the floor like Harry had instructed him but he has stopped walking. 

"Ok I can see you." Harry says before he hangs up the phone. 

Zayn sees Harry storming in his direction and his knees go weak as he realises how royally he's messed up. 

"I'm sorry." Zayn speaks before Harry reaches his side. 

Up close, Zayn sees the look of anger on Harry's face that momentarily disappears to be replaced with relief.

"I'm sorry." Zayn repeats. 

"Come here." Harry orders and Zayn walks the few remaining steps between them coming close to falling twice. He wraps his arms around Harry's waist, his face nuzzling into Harry's chest as Harry's arms circle around Zayn's smaller frame and he rests his head on Zayn's shoulder. 

"You're a proper dickhead." Harry says. 

"I know but so is you." Zayn pulls back from the hug. "So areeeeeeee you not is. Are." Zayn laughs loudly, which Harry only rolls his eyes to. 

"Zee, you wreck of alcohol. How much did you drink?" Harry questions as he stands in front of the wobbling Zayn. He extends his arm to try and steady his boyfriend but Zayn won't have any of that. 

"Only a tiny winy but 'cause you were being mean to me." Zayn explains, he's aware that he always acts so much more childish when he's drunk. 

"We need to get out of here. How'd you get here?" 

"I drove." Zayn grins. 

"Please tell me you weren't wondering the streets looking for your car?" Harry asks his tone stern and Zayn starts to feel really stupid and guilty. 

"I'm sorry." He repeats again. 

"Fuck Zayn. What were you thinking? How were you supposed to drive when you can't even fucking walk straight!" Harry's voice sounds strained as he tries not to yell. 

"I said I'm sorry!!" Zayn doesn't hold back his shout, the alcohol making him more aggressive than usual. 

"Ok, ok. Listen to me," Harry steps forward and places his hand on either side of Zayn and looks down into his boyfriend's eyes. "We're going to go now. Okay?"

"No! We can't. Louis." And Harry understands that Zayn means Louis' come with him. 

"Fuck," Harry mutters under his breath as he digs his phone out of his pocket and rings Louis, all the while keeping his hand around Zayn's right arm. "Yea Louis, we have a situation with Zayn. Nah he's fine, just a little drunk meet us on the street a few houses to the right of Liam's. Ok bye." 

"Does he hate me?" Zayn asks, his lip upturned, eyes shiny with unshed tears. He goes back to slumping against Harry's chest, suddenly feeling tired and heavy. 

"No, why would he?" Harry's brushing his hand on the back of Zayn's head comfortingly.

"Because I'm the designated driver tonight but I screwed that up." Zayn starts feeling angry with himself again. 

"Shh, that's fine. We'll figure it out." 

It's another minute or so before Louis shows up. 

"Ah fuck me, he can't even stand on his own." Louis shouts, a mixture of annoyance and concern in his tone. 

"Just come help me take him to his car." Harry says as he slings one of Zayn's arms around his shoulders. Louis positions himself at Zayn's other side and they begin the walk to Zayn's car. 

"Lou, I'm really sorry. I love you." Zayn murmurs as he willingly lets himself be dragged along the street. His heads slung down and he's trudging his feet and he knows this feeling. Knows this is how he gets before he passes out. "I'm sorry." Zayn whispers. 

"Yea, I know. It's ok." Louis answers.   
  
"Ok Zee, just keep your eyes open ok." Harry speaks softly. When the reach Zayn's car the two boys struggle with placing Zayn in the front seat who's practically dead weight and is unable to help them.

"Fuck, who know someone so skinny could be such a hassle." Louis huffs out when they've got Zayn buckled into the passenger street. 

"You ok, you muppet?" Louis asks he crouches down next to the seat supporting himself against the car door that's open. 

"Mhhmmm." Comes Zayn's reply. 

"I'm gonna take him back to mine." Harry explains. "You need me to drive you home?" 

"Nah, I called Niall. He's on his way here." Louis closes Zayn's door. "Take care of him yea?"

"'Course mate." Harry smiles before he gets into Zayn's car. 

Zayn's smiling to himself as he gets himself into as much of a comfortable position as he can. He has his head on the head rest with his eyes closed as Harry drives to his house. 

"What're you smiling at?" Harry hums questioningly. 

"You have Louis' number." Zayn says triumphantly, which Harry only laughs to. 

*

You can't blame Zayn for being pleased with the fact that now, finally when they're in grade 12, that Harry and Louis sorted their shit out. 

It was no secret they didn't get along, despite the fact that they had never actually been properly acquainted. Harry and Zayn have officially been dating for 7 months and during that time Louis' met Harry twice maybe three times. Zayn's not entirely sure why, but the two of them seemingly can't get along, though he has his suspicions. 

"I just don't trust him." Louis stated as he say cross legged on his living room couch. Zayn thinks that's the reason; Louis doesn't trust Harry and Harry won't respect someone that doesn't respect him. So it's kinda, sorta, really annoying. 

"I know you've told me about 100 times before. But, you're wrong." Zayn said with a roll of his eyes. 

"And I'll tell you another 100 times if I want to." 

"Lou, he's not a bad guy. Why can't you understand that?" 

"I'm trying to, but c'mon you've been together for a while and he hasn't gotten any better. Like he's not willing to come out at all and that's just fucking shit."

"I don't care about that though."

"I'm sure you don't." Louis replies sarcastically.  
  
"Ok, fine. What do you want me to say? I fucking hate it? Because alright maybe I hate that I can't hold his hand in school or that we can't go out on dates with you and Niall. But that's not all that matters to me, he's more important and I respect that he can't come out." Zayn said frustrated. 

"If you hate it you have to tell him!"

"I can't! Louis, I just can't. He doesn't come from a supportive family like we do. Ok? Did you ever think of that? He fucking thinks his mum left them when we were in year 7 because she could somehow read his mind and knew he was thinking about guys rather than girls. He's been raised in a family where gay isn't right, where gay is just not acceptable. So sorry if he's scared and doesn't meet your standard of a boyfriend but I love him enough to be ok with that all."

"Zee, fuck ok I'm sorry. I had no idea I always thought he was just stringing you along." 

"Well you know now." 

"So you love him?" Louis smiled. 

Zayn doesn't think he's ever blushed more than he has in that moment. "Yea, yea I do." He says sheepishly. And that was the moment Zayn realised he loved Harry. 

He doesn't tell Harry that he loves him for another month or so. Just enough time for Zayn to digest the fact that he's in _love_ with someone. Not the prissy _‘yea I really like him’_ , but _in love._ So excuse him for being a little scared about it.

But he does finally tell Harry when they're in Harry’s room after a day of school. Zayn remembers it was some time at the start of year 11. They're both perched on Harry's bed, their backs pressed up against the head board. Zayn has Harry's hand held in his and he's tracing his fingers on the inside of Harry's palm and then up the underside of his arm. Harry lets out a little chuckle at the light touch which is obviously tickling him and he looks so fucking majestic when he's laughing that Zayn can't help it, it just slips out. 

"I love you." Zayn says through a laugh. His hands stop the motion of tracing against Harry’s skin because it registers in his mind what he had just said. He lifts his eye up slowly to Harry’s, so scared of what look he’s going to be met with.

Harry has his lips upturned into an easy smile though, “I love you too.” Harry returns easily.

Zayn can’t stop the wide, cheesy grin that settles on his face. He nuzzles closer into Harry and places a soft kiss to Harry’s lips. They’ve shared small kisses like this before but somehow it just _feels_ different. As though they can actually feel their love now that they’ve properly acknowledged it.

Soon Zayn’s cheeks start to actually ache because he’s smiling that much, but he doesn’t even care. Because Harry Styles loves him. He lets out a giggle of sheer delight.

“What’s so funny?” Harry asks.

“You said it.” Zayn says back a little amazed because he’s still trying to wrap his head around the thought that Harry reciprocates his feelings.

“Course I did you knob.” Harry teases.

“Lou wanted to make a bet with me that you’d never say it.” Zayn says still slightly giggly.

“What?” Harry’s voice rigid.

Zayn looks up worriedly at Harry, “Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“No, why’d he think that?” Harry asks and Zayn can tell that he’s angry.

“I don’t know why he thinks that, it doesn’t matter what he thinks though. It was stupid, please don’t worry.” Zayn tries to ease the situation.

“I can’t not worry about it; he thinks I’m some emotionless jerk. And why are you talking to Louis about it anyway?”

“I told him because he’s my best friend Harry. I tell him everything.” Zayn defends himself. He really doesn’t want to get into a fight right now, especially not after they had just told one another that they loved each other.

“I thought I was your best friend.” Harry’s tone hurt.

“Yo-” Zayn voice breaks despite his efforts, “You are Harry, but our relationship is different. But I don’t want to be upset right about now. And I really don’t want you to be upset either. So please can we just forget about it and how stupid Louis is, please? For me?”

“Alright, fine.” Harry agrees, though he’s still slightly resentful, Zayn can tell. Zayn doesn’t focus on that though, he returns to cuddling into Harry’s side and soon enough, Harry has his arm slung across Zayn’s shoulders pulling him in closer.

“Just for the record, I do really love you.” Harry speaks softly into Zayn’s hair.

*

“Zayn I need you to be quiet ok. Shhh.” Harry says as he puts his car into park and gets out quickly going and helping Zayn get out. Harry opens the door for Zayn and practically pulls his boyfriend out. Zayn has a lazy smile plastered on his face and his eyes are droopy. Harry wraps his arm around Zayn and Zayn circles his arms around Harry’s neck. “Remember, shhh.” Harry says again.

“Shhhhhhh!” Zayn says with more force that Harry and brings a finger to his lips as he does so.

Harry fumbles with his house keys, all the while trying to support Zayn and emit as minimal noise as possible. He’s not sure if he’s dad is home right now and if he is, the last thing he wants is to have to explain this situation to his father. When he finally manages to get them inside he drags the practically unconscious Zayn to his bedroom. He eases Zayn down slowly onto his bed, with another reminder to stay quiet and rushes to the kitchen to get some water. That’s where he sees the note from his father, held up by an Eiffel Tower magnet on their fridge that reads,

_Congratulations on winning._

_See you on Sunday._

_Dad._

Harry lets out a breath of relief as he remembers his dad is out on a business conference for the weekend. He can’t help but smile to himself as well because his dad must have gone to his football game before he had to fly out.

“Hazzy.” Zayn’s voice rings through the silent house, he’s trying to stay quiet like Harry told him but it’s awfully hard.

“Here you go.” Harry says, his voice at a normal volume as he passes the glass full of water to Zayn. Zayn grabs for it quickly and downs the drink in haste.

“’m so thirsty.” He says once he’s finished the last gulp.

“Do you want another?” Harry asks him to which Zayn aggressively shakes his head too and reaches his arms out to grab at Harry’s hips.

“Sit here.” Zayn orders as he pulls Harry forward to lay next to him on the bed. He just really wants to cuddle.

“Ok.” Harry says through a laugh. And once he’s settled, Zayn has nuzzled into his side his eyes closing at an alarmingly fast rate. “Do you wanna go and sleep?” Harry asks

“No, stay here.” Zayn mutters. He trails a series of kisses along the exposed skin of Harry’s neck but then gives up because he has to lift his head to do that and that requires too much energy.  “Sorry.” Zayn says.

“’S ok.” Harry smiles, rubbing his hand up and down Zayn’s side.

“sorry about your bruise too. I don’t like you hurt.” Zayn whines.

“I’m fine love.” Harry reassures.

“I’ll make you feel better yea?” Zayn suggests as he tries and sits up. It’s not a smooth transition but he manages a new found determination that provides him with enough energy.

“No, it’s fine seriously.” Harry says again.

“But I wanna!” Zayn whinges loudly. “Please just let me make you feel good. Please.”

“And how do you suppose you would do that?” Harry teases.

“I wanna blow you.” Zayn smirks.

“Ok, c’mon time to go to bed.” Harry sighs.

“No!” Zayn says stubbornly, “I’m not going to bed till I blow you.” He isn’t going to budge, he’s been a horrible boyfriend tonight and he really wants to make it up to Harry.

“Zayn you’re smashed, I’m not letting you blow me. Why don’t we just go to bed and you can do it in the morning yea?” Harry suggests.

“Promise?” Zayn asks.

“Yes, ok fine, I promise.” Harry sighs again.

“Ok.” Zayn smiles as he lies back down next to harry and the two go to bed.

Harry’s awaken the next morning with the sight of Zayn giving him a blowjob and he reckons it’s a pretty decent way to wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading lovies :))  
> feedback is much appreciated. xx


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